Warning, this is nothing but me bitching and complaining and has no redeeming value whatsoever. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

The doctor was delivering a baby (lucky her) so he was a little late. My blood pressure was high, but I think that has a lot to do with the constant migraines. The heartbeat sounded alright, I guess. He never really comments much on anything. I flat out asked about induction and he said it was up to me. I’m thinking – well how is NOW for you? I said with all the problems I’m having, hell yeah I’m ready to have the baby. He said he definitely wants to induce me in the next few weeks. *sigh* That really sounds very long.

The he reminds me that we want to stop the pain medication, and will I be alright with that? I guess DH made a face cause the doctor pointed out that it looks like DH is worried about that. What was I supposed to say, you’re not gonna prescribe it, so I’ll have to be ok, right? I can suffer through migraines, I have been the whole time. Just pile on more misery doc.

I wasn’t dialated, at all. He said he can’t do much till the cervix is working for us. Great, I think, nothing on or in my body works properly and that’s what we’re waiting for? Why am I having contractions every 10 minutes day and night if it isn’t doing anything for my cervix?
I asked him about doing the ultrasound because she’s been measuring big and two weeks in a row now he’s said we’d “do it next week, remind me next week”. Lo and behold, “I’m running behind and I want to do it properly and take time with it, let’s make sure we do it next week.”

I had both boys at 37 and a half weeks. Maybe I was just spoiled.

So, I start crying. A stop in the restroom to collect myself then go out to make the appointment for next week. She’s got some bloodwork ordered for me to do. I guess they are worried about pre-eclampsia. The doctor didn’t say anything about it.

Oh and did I mention I gained 3 pounds since last week?!

We walk out to the car and DH says, “so I guess you’re going to be depressed now?” I’m sure he didn’t mean it the way it sounded, but it sounded like “great, you’re gonna be even more than a handful now, right?” Then he says, “It sounded good to me, maybe I didn’t hear it right. He did say he wanted to induce in a few weeks. That’s good right?”

I did cry all the way home. I felt silly, I felt like apologizing, but I’m not sure why I should have to. I realize that a few weeks isn’t long, I guess I was just hoping to have a plan. That and even with that migraine shot yesterday, I only slept 3 hours last night. I’m so exhausted. And in pain. And constant non-productive contractions.

Did the blood work and the urine sample right away. I was thinking, well maybe if there’s a sign of pre-eclampsia we’ll have the baby sooner and it would be silly to not go do the test right away. Sick, right?

I am utterly depressed. I have a history of depression so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. And it’s fairly normal for hugely pregnant women to be depressed. But still, it’s rough. I can’t even curl up in a ball and sleep without restless legs kicking in. What good is depression if you can’t sleep through it?

At least Evie is healthy. I should be really thankful for that and stop bitching and moaning.